Left Aktobe

7 November 2009
Almaty

2 years and 3 months is over.  I’m now a Returned Peace Corps Volunteer, except for the “still living in Kazakhstan and traveling around Central Asia for four months” and only returning to America in March 2010.  My official Close of Service in Almaty was anti-climatic: paperwork, a few meetings, and then – I completed my Peace Corps service.

The last few days in Aktobe were the more meaningful days.  Preparation for leaving started about a week and a half before, when I began to lay my stuff around the upstairs – leaving a lot in Aktobe, shipping home, and accompanying me at least to Almaty.  Then, the goodbyes started.  Golden Heart 3, English Club Halloween, Friday evening Shabbat, “Helloween” Party, MegaCenter Movie Night with volunteers.  After that, the vicinity of leaving seemed surreal.

My two years in Aktobe have been amazing and leaving was very difficult.  I cried, my friends cried – especially the last two days when it was a sunrise away.  But, as my mom  said when we spoke on the phone the day before I left, “It’s better when you can be sad about something.  Then you know there’s a connection with the people and meaning in the time you were there.”  On November 3, I threw a “Poka Perry Party”, gathering some of my closest friends together for a thank you and goodbye event.  A few of my friends planned the night – they did an amazing job.  The next day my organization organized an event with my colleagues and Volunteer Club: D.A.R. to send me off.

I was supposed to fly out the next day, November 5, at 10:30 in the morning.  At 6:30 AM, I received a call from Air Astana, my flight wouldn’t be leaving until at least 4:30 in the afternoon.  Then, another call adjusting the time to 3:30 PM.  I went back to sleep and checked the departure time a few hours later.  The flight was pushed back to 6:30 PM.  Thursday was difficult.  I was ready to leave Aktobe in the morning, but still not fully ready to leave my friends.  Having an entire extra day in the city added extra stress.  I wanted to see everyone again but I had already said goodbye.  The day dragged on.  I was ready to say goodbye at the airport, but not to go through it again in the office, at Black and Brown, at Mega.  A few friends stopped by my house, said hi, and really made my day.  We went to the airport around 5.  Five minutes after we get there, the arrival time is again adjusted – to 9:30 PM.  Friends are already coming to say goodbye.  We wait, see everyone, play Mafia.  The time is pushed back to 10:40 PM.  Air Astana gives us food vouchers.  Since I don’t live far from the airport, the five us of left go back to my house for dinner.  Around 9:30 PM, we head back to the airport, the plane is still scheduled “on time”, and I board.  I arrived in Almaty around 3 AM.

People say a lot of nice things when you’re leaving and emotions are on edge.  Tears flow as soon as you look at someone’s face who is also on the brink of tears.  It’s easy to think about all the good times and forget about the tough times, the times we argued, the chances we didn’t take, the programs that didn’t get off the ground, the opportunities that weren’t achieved.  I can learn from the difficult times, but there were so many more positive experiences that the whole two years is a bright spot in my life.

I told my friends, I’d be back.  It’s a nice statement and an easy way to assuage guilt when it feels like you’re abandoning people and a cause.  If you can say you’re coming back, then it’s not such a difficult departure.  It doesn’t have to be not true.  Life happens and you never know what situations will come up, but I fully plan to see my friends again, to see the many successes that my organization will find, and to do more than just remember the good times, but to keep the friendships and savor the experiences with those who made them together.  When I left, we were smiling, even if through tears.  I want to smile with everyone again.

To everyone who has followed my two years, thank you again for your thoughts, ideas, and support.

To everyone in Aktobe, thank you for changing my life, making me a better person, teaching me, and doing great things.  Talk soon.